‘I have a thousand things to say to you, but a thousand reasons not to. Think of it like slowly unscrewing the cap of a soda so that carbonation doesn’t cause a massive, fizzy mess and overflow out of the bottle…’
The girl looked up from her morning cup of tea and and the tears trickled down her cheeks. Suddenly the flashback of all the bad memories was coming back to her. She was an emotional person and feels everything deeply and intensely. This often leads her to become depressed and upset about even the ordinary things. She never shared her feelings, and her thoughts with anyone. She just keeps everything inside her, pretending to be strong, and not letting others to know about her sorrows.Will people be more receptive towards me? Will they understand me? Will they share my pain as equally as I want them to? Will they accept me the way I am? How will they react after hearing my sorrows and fears? These questions were always on her mind and never allowed her to be more open up with people. So when she was left with countless reasons to not to express, she turned to become overly happy-go lucky person. This was the survival mechanism she used to avoid exploding.
When she smiled and she laughed you couldn’t help but smile along too. Everything positive reflects on her face. Her acquaintances desired her and courted her friendship. But behind all these contagious laughters, witty jokes and positive vibes was a person who was very sad, fighting with fears, and trying to overcome them. There was a person who was very deep from inside and very sensitive. She had the fear of speaking in front of people. She keeps everything bottled up inside her. She understands the fact that how different opinions and feelings are. You may speak your mind and share your views but when it comes to feelings, they are foreign to everyone else. So she decided that it was easy to refrain from expressing what is inside her because she was certain that nobody would understand her anyway.
She learned to hide her feelings at a very early age but she was also taught to be expressive in life. It takes a lot of energy and effort but it can be done. Deep down she understands that life is too short to not to tell people how you feel, and there’s a constant battle within to improve on it. Her everyday’s resolution was: ( I’m going to be more open with people.) Randomly motivated to change ? ( I’m going to be more open with people.)
It’s something you strive for, but ironically it’s much easier for you to say than do. After spending so much time biting your tongue and holding back for the sake of others that you’re a mess inside, when someone finally asks you, ” How are things going? ” or ” Is everything okay? ” you’re overcome with all of the feels and want to burst in tears. You’ve bottled up an abundance of emotions and they just unscrewed the cap. You might be able to muster up a trembling voice, ” I’m fine. ” and escape before the waterworks begin, but this only ends with you crying.
So one day eventually she blows up. It is inevitable. Probably, all of her feelings comes out at once. That was the time she had all her bad memories coming back to her. She regretted over the decisions she had made in life just to please others, she regretted over the times when she remained silent when it was not needed to, she regretted over all those moments when she hide her feelings and pretended to be fake, she regretted it…She didn’t resist this and ended up crying and screaming out loud. It was as if she was doing a catharsis, purifying herself from all the unpleasant memories, fears and pity.
They say it’s never too late and you’re never too old to become better. So this is exactly what happened to her. She becomes strong, overcomes her fears and turned out to be a person who is way more confident than ever. That’s what life is. It teaches you everything and anything. It gives you opportunities to become better. It gives you the reasons to reflect upon your weaknesses and strengths. It puts you in situations where you can overcome your fears. It gives every chance to becone better and better but all you need is to find those reasons, look for that opportunities and take every chance to become stronger and better than before.